Cherishing Your Spouse

When we watch a movie of romance and a couple falling in love or living happily ever after, the scenes tend to be full of intense passion, making your heart pound and distort reality. Yes, distort reality. The bids in the movies are over the top and don’t fit in with everyday life and the lives of 99.9% of people.

*Bids are what people do towards others to get their attention, affection, humor or support.*

Bids for attention don’t usually come out as these over dramatic, planned out moments. They come out during the grind of everyday life. Connecting with your spouse or others comes from the small moments that add up over time. Connecting with others happens when we turn towards them and they turn towards us. Turning towards one another is easy. One small gesture leads to another, which leads to another, which leads to another and so forth.

Connecting comes from the small things such asking your spouse to run to the store with you, eating a meal together, cooking together, asking for a back rub, playing a board game, watching a movie, etc. These little actions have a huge impact on relationships. When this actions are done it makes people feel wanted, important, and needed. It’s important to give these actions and to also receive these actions too.

 There are two big obstacles that can occur when turning toward others which should be watched out for: first is missing a bid of attention because it’s wrapped in anger or other negative emotions. Tone plays a big factor in bids being missed or  even seen. It’s important to try to express out bids without these negative emotions. It’s also important for us to decipher what others are saying to us, especially when anger or negative emotions are used. It can be hard to do, but most times if we try to understand what’s being asked and look for a deeper meaning within the angry statement we can find that our spouse is making a bid for attention which really needs attention and it most likely is a bid for something other than what is being expressed within the angry statement.

The second obstacle is being distracted by the wired world. Many times people split their attention and presence with multiple things, such as using social media devices, email, TV, etc. If our full attention isn’t given to those who are talking and trying to communicate with us, it’s easy to miss bids for attention. These bids for attention may not mean to be missed, but because we aren’t truly present in the moment they get missed and it’s just as hurtful and destructible to accidentally miss these bids of attention.

It’s important to remember that all communication has meaning and sometimes the meaning being expressed is not what we think it is. With time and effort to turn towards others and by allowing others to turn towards us, bids of attention will become easier to see and understand. Being aware of bids for attention and turning towards others is one of the greatest gifts that can be given and received. Doing more of this will ensure a more satisfied, happy life!f