Giving 100%

In Goddard’s book, Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage, chapter 6 focuses on consecration which means to give all your time and talents for a single purpose. Marriage is an opportunity for spouses to show devotion and love to one another by the selfless sacrifices they make each day for one another. Unfortunately it’s easy to take advantage of our loved ones and not show them the sacrifices we once made for them. A statement in Goddard’s book made me think about my own life and how much I was willing to give up for my husband in consecrating our marriage. “Do we bring our greatest generosity and richest forgiving to our marriages? Do we offer our whole souls and our best efforts as an offering? Or do our partnerships get halfhearted, occasional efforts?” This made me pause and think about the effort I was giving to my marriage and especially to my husband. What was I truly willing to give up?

It’s in our human nature to be selfish. Looking out for ourselves and meeting our needs always comes before the thought of helping others. How can we help this? Jesus Christ was the perfect example of humility and love. Learning from our Savior and praying for help in recognizing others before ourselves can help our eyes see needs we may not have seen before and become more open to loving our spouse and giving all we can to them.

Validating Feelings

In Gottman’s book, there are solvable and unsolvable problems that we come across in marriage. He tells us that there is a key to addressing these conflicts and dealing with them individually. The answer comes when we validate our partners feelings and show them we understand their personality and point of view. While we shouldn’t treat our spouse as we would our children, this principle is so very much like speaking with children. Children often don’t know how to express their thoughts and feelings. Parents use deciphering methods to determine what the child is really calling out for. Parents have a much success when they respond to a hurt or angry child by validating their feelings first before jumping into finding a solution. I think the same can apply in resolving issues in a marriage whether they be solvable or unsolvable problems. By using soft approaches and telling your spouse you can see why they are hurt and frustrated can create a strong foundation to compromise. 

Goddard, H. W. (2009). Drawing heaven into your marriage: Eternal doctrines that change relationships. Cedar Hills, UT: Joymap Publishing.